Ask Yonca abla: Cheat or tell the truth?

Dear Yonca abla, 

I married young – 19 years old – to a lovely man that I and my parents adored. We’ve been together 18 years and have three gorgeous children who are now aged 16, 14 and 10. My husband has always done right by me and our family, yet over the past few years I have started to fall out of love with him. 

The truth is I am really bored with him and our relationship. Once the children went to school, I started my own business, which is doing well. It’s helped me to evolve as a woman and I want other things for myself – not just to be a mum and wife. I look at the lives of the women in my new social scene and I feel like I’m missing out. I want to go out and have fun. I feel attracted to other men. 

My best mate thinks I’m nuts to even consider walking away from my marriage and that ‘the grass is always greener’, but I think you only live once and I shouldn’t feel guilty for wanting other experiences. I know if I tell my husband what I really think, it will break his heart, but if I say nothing sooner or later I will end up cheating on him. What to do?

Name & address supplied


My dear,

Firstly let me congratulate you on being honest and brave enough to have written in. It’s very common for us to grow apart from our partners later in life, especially if we’ve been involved from such a young age. Today, 19 can seem very young to make a lifelong commitment, but it was the norm ‘back in the day’.

What you are experiencing is normal. And honesty is the best policy: you should explain to your husband first and then your children that being independent and wanting new things in life is not a crime. However, having affairs and being disloyal is wrong and will result in a messy break-up.

Yonca 2No one can make this decision but you. If you decided to separate, perhaps try date nights with your hubby to try and rekindle your romance? However, once too much water has passed under the bridge, it can be tricky. Sometimes in life you just have to take that leap and build your wings on the way down.

Wishing you all the best in your new life adventures,

Yonca abla


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